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Tmfc Out of Bounds!

Saturday, May 28, 2005
FUNCTION!
Function: (intransitive verb)
Inflected Forms: func·tioned; func·tion·ing /-sh(&-)ni[ng]/ - the actions and activities assigned to or required or expected of a person or group; "the function of a teacher"; "do one's part"; "play one's role"


One afternoon nearly a year ago, I got a wild hair, threw caution to the wind and asked my young daughters if they'd like to go to the mall. (duh) They got ready in record time - #1 and #3 don't have the primp-like-there's-going-to-be-a-contest genes of their mother. #2 DOES DOES DOES DOES, but ever the trouper, she readied herself pretty darned fast. When we got into the van, she was frowning at herself in the mirror and repositioning hairs every which way. I felt a twinge of guilt for springing this on her. You just can't spring a trip to the mall on a teen-aged girl. One has to have time to prepare physically, emotionally and mentally for the occasion. I failed as a parent that day.

Anyway, we rode across town with a few more huffs and puffs and glares in the mirror (I'm never sure what's funnier: #2 at work, how the curse my mom put on me during my teen years came true, or the way #1 and #3 watch #2 in abject horror.)

Okay, harmlessly enough I thought it'd be a good idea to stop for coffee on the way, we all LOVE iced mochas. #2, who withdrew clutz genes as well from her mother's gene bank, spilled a little on her (AUUUUGHHHH!) favorite jeans. So now we have hair that isn't doing at all what she intended for it to do, and now there's something on her jeans - all while headed to the mall. It wasn't a pretty sight. My girl went postal.

#1 and I tried to reason with her. BTW, the # system doesn't denote rank or favor - just age. 1's the oldest, 2's second, 3's the baby. #1 did some fancy talking about how she could go to the girl's room and wash it off, and dry it under the blower...etc etc. (Still postal) This continued for about 5 minutes, then the three of us fell silent from exhastion. #2 started up again, and #3 who was growing bored with it all looked at her and said, "FUNCTION!!"

Silent again. Then the next comment was from a back to herself #2...."I'll just wash it off in the girl's room. No biggie." (I swore for a moment #1 was going to punch her...) We went to the mall, had a great day, end of drama.

I've often thought of the "FUNCTION" command since that day. There are a lot of people in the world right now who simply aren't functioning. Scary thing is, it's becoming not only acceptable, but socially "in".

Before continuing, let me say that I know there are plenty of emotional and mental disorders that require medication. Some people have legitimate chemical imbalances that require balancing. Others have other disabilities that need medical treatment. However, I just can't believe that all of the people need to be on all of the medication that all of the doctors are scribbling on all of the prescription pads.

There are meds for practically every human function. "Do you want more passion in your life?"...PASSION PILL. "Need to be more socially confident?"....SOCIAL PILL. "Men, wanna but can't?"....THRILL PILL! "Want to eat less?....APPETITE KILL PILL! "Kid's can't sit still?"...HYPERACTIVE PILL! "Want to burn more calories?"...BURN 'EM UP PILL! Sadly, the list goes on.

Makes you just want to yell "FUNCTION!!!" to the whole world.


Now, I'm not old, but I do remember when a little silk gown from Victoria's Secret and a little perfume were all that a person needed for extra passion incentive....a hotel room at the most.

I'm no Dr. Ruth, but it seems to me that if people are having trouble feeling passion or if their sex drive is in park, there must be something contributing to it. After all, sex isn't a new thing, people've been doing it for centuries - without a prescription, well, without that prescription. (Sweet Mary, mother of God, what will my daughters say when they read this?)

A few contributing factors are probably stress, plain old exhastion and maybe even low self image. Think about it - everybody works these days..sun up to sun down, chasing the great dream. Relationships are shattering left and right, but each can drive away in an expensive vehicle. Sickening trade off.

I'd say that people in this scenario need to slow the heck down. Spend more time together, refamiliarize, reconnect, rekindle, recapture and you'll recall the rest.

Another factor is self-image. Good grief! (I just channelled Charlie Brown) How could we not feel inferior these days? There are nude and near nude images of people everywhere. So called "ideal" men and women are before our eyes everywhere - commercials, magazines, most definitely the internet. What it helps to realize is that the majority of these "perfect-looking" people aren't really any more perfect-looking than you are. As a matter of fact, all the work these cats have had is starting to show up and it's frightening. Think of them in 10 years!

[When you're in a weird mood, here's a link you might want to check out. Bookmark it, though, there are lots of crazy pics and articles to sort through. Yes it's offensive, yes it's crude, but danged if it's not funny. I welcome funny in my day, so here it is: Awful Plastic Surgery. The great stuff is linked at the right. By all means search out Melanie Griffith, Bruce Jenner and Farrah. Why do people do this to themselves?!]

In addition to the fact that a lot of what we see is the work of a knife, A lot of what we see isn't even there! For example in her newest movie, Jessica Simpson has a butt double - for pictures as well as onscreen. They showed actual pics of her and her rear is as flat as a McDonald's pancake. So, apparently, the people in charge have a butt girl standing by to strut in for the rear shots. If you think about it, it's all kind of funny. Jessica's a lovely girl, but someone somewhere was afraid she wasn't perfect enough so some gal got to add a really odd description to her resume.

If self-image IS a problem, hit the walking trail and put down the doughnuts. Work on your body until you're loving yourself some you.

As for the social anxiety, one of the best things one can do for themself is to work on their self confidence. That's all it boils down to, in my opinion. If you're doubting yourself, there's no way in Heaven you want to be in front of others. If you're feeling confident, no one could hold you back. Work on your self image. If you're afraid you wouldn't know what to talk about socially, read more, listen more, broaden your horizons.

You can't find confidence inside a pill, you find it inside yourself.

Now the one that drives me the craziest - can you phathom the number of kids on meds for hyperactivity? Come on, kids have always been kids. That's what they should be - NOT miniature adults. If they are having trouble sitting still, try discipline. Maybe it ultimately comes back to the overly busy adult theme of above. If one parent's going this way and one's going that way, who's going with the kid? Then, when everyone is together, the parents have such a "I should be around more" guilt thing going on that they are scared to death to say "No". Spending more time together as a family is one of the biggest needs we have in our society. It worked in the generations before us. Their cars may not have been as fancy, but they were all together in them. Hmmm, maybe that's why cars are getting smaller and smaller.

Sad, that.

On your life's journey, keep in mind, U-Turns aren't only allowed, they're encouraged.


~Joi

Oohhhhhhhhhh how funny!! My own mom calling me out in her blog. Now I need to go and get myself a blog to try and defend my dignity (what little I have left)....

Okay, seriously.. this was pretty funny. And sadly, it was all very true.

Brittany (Better known as #2)  

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